Page dedicated to funny things Malcolm does/says. Most recent on top.

Mal: Me got owie on me hand!
Me: Let me see… no, that’s chocolate. *tries to rub it off*
Mal: No, it hurts! You hurt me! Me need bandaid!
Me: No buddy, it’s chocolate. Lick it.
Mal: *lick* mmmm, me so yummy! Me yummy boy!

Mal: Mom, baby Cara so cute!
Me: Yes she is!
Mal: Her love me!
Me: Yes! Clara loves her big brother!
Mal: Me love her too. *kiss*
Me: *melts*

Malcolm finished a puzzle all by himself (again) and was so proud.

Mal: Me did it! Me big boy!
Me: You did! You are so big! When did you get so big?
Mal: Because me so handsome!

E: Malky, are you scared of tongues?
Mal: Nope.
E: Are you scared of eyeballs?
Mal: Nope.
E: Malky, go find your own bee wax.

Malcolm is playing with Jake (and the Neverland Pirates) and Captain Hook. They are having an epic argument.
Jake: You poopy!
Hook: Me not poopy!
Jake: You so so poopy!
Hook: No! Me not!
Then they fight.

Mal: Mommy, I eat my O’s! You happy?
Me: Yes! Are you happy?
Mal: Yes!
Me: Oh good! Why are you happy?
Mal: Because me love Home Depot!
Mal: Home Depoooooot!

E: Tell Mommy “I love you,” ok?
Mal: Ok! *runs to me*
Me: What did Ellie say?
Mal: *jumping up and down* E love me!
E: No! Say “I love you”.
Mal: E love me!!

When I’m having “discussions” with Ellie about her behavior, Malcolm likes to stand next to me and repeat everything I say and copy all my hand gestures. And then when I’ve made my point, he adds “And cookies!”


Me: Malky, what do you want for lunch?
Mal: I nono… malky cheese!
Me: Malky cheese?
Mal: No. Malky cheese.
Me: You want cheese?
Me: Mac & cheese?
Mal: Yes! Malky cheese! Thank you!

E: We are almost to McDonalds! Oh all we need to do is park.
Mal: E I E I O
Mary: E I E I O?
W: ….Old McDonald…?
Mary:*fit of laughter*

E: Mom! Don’t touch those babies! They are sleeping!
Me: Why are they sleeping on the couches?
E: If they sleep on the floor Malcolm will stomp on them! Watch! *puts a baby on the floor*
Mal: *immediately stops pulling books down and runs over and stomps on the baby* POP! POP! POP!

Me: Malcolm, say “Momma”
Mal: Eee-yeee!
Me: No, not “Ellie”. Say “Momma”.
Mal: Eee-yeee!
Me: Can you say “Dada”?
Mal: Dada! Dada!
Me: Can you say “Grandma”?
Mal: Mmmmm-ma!
Me: Can you say “Ellie”?
Mal: Eee-yeee!
Me: Good job! Can you say “Momma”?
Mal: Eee-yeee!

Malcolm: uck!
Me: what’s yuck?
M: uck! *points*
Me: The trash can is yuck?
M: uck! *walks to trash*
Me: *looks inside* did you throw away our fridge magnets?
M: uck!

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