Ellie-isms

This is a list of things our daughter Ellie has said and done. Mary tends to post these on facebook, but I decided to make a repository of them here. Newest on top.

Momma, look, I have a BOW in my hair! See it? A BOW! That’s funny because it’s not a hair bow, but it’s a BOW AND ARROW! See Mom? Isn’t that funny?

E: Malky, you are so cute.
Mal: Yeah.
E: Do you want to be my hero?
Mal: Yeah.
E: Ok, you are Super Malky and I will call you when I need help, ok?
Mal: Yeah.
E: Ok. Help me Malky! Help me my hero! I’m falling in the lava! Grab my hand! Aaaaaahh!
Mal: Nope. *walks away*

Me: Ellie, have you taken any bites? What are you doing?
E: Oh, right. I forgot.
Me: How did you forget you were eating lunch?
E: I’m a lover, not a fighter.

E: Mom, can you get me an apple?
Me: I’m feeding Clara. You can get your own apple.
E: Malky, do you want to be Rainbow Dash or Apple Jack?
Mal: Anbow ash.
E: Ok, you can be Rainbow Dash. Can you fly?
Mal: No fly.
E: Ok, no Rainbow Dash. You need to be Apple Jack.
Mal: Ok. Apple ack.
E: Ok, go get me an apple.

-“I’m kind of afraid of spiders. Even when I have clothes on.”
-“I never know what you’re talking about. For my whole life. My whole life Mom.”
-“Oh no! Spit-up! Spit-up alerp!” (Instead of alert)
-“Mom, you’re wrong. It’s right here, just like you said.”
-“Malcolm, it’s old back here. And you can’t come. I am scared of you, ok?” “Ok.”

*during dinner*
E: Is tomorrow Saturday?
Me: No, Thursday.
E: Wednesday?
Me: Today is Wednesday. Tomorrow is Thursday.
E: Today is Thursday?
Me: No!
Will: Who’s on first?
Mal: Me! Me! Me!

Me: Ellie, are you done going potty?
E: Yes. It all came out. *stares off into space* just like… light… disappears into… shadows… *still staring*
Me: Um… Ellie? What are you talking about?
E: *snaps out of it* I don’t know what you’re talking about. I didn’t say anything.

E: Malky, do you like my light-up shoes?
Mal: Yeah.
E: Dude… they’re new.

William: You can’t take this toy to bed. It’s in timeout.
E: *looks up with big eyes* Why would a Daddy ever take a toy from a child?!

Will: You can’t come out unless you have peepee, poop, blood, or you throw up.
E: I wish I could throw up.

Me: Ok, good night. Have good dreams.
E: Please just grant my wish!
Me: What’s your wish?
E: That I can do whatever I want!
Me: What do you want?
E: I want to stay up all night and play the ipad!
Me: Nope. Sorry. Good night.
E: *folds her hands and closes her eye* Please make Momma say yes! Please make Momma say yes!
Me: Nope.
E: My wish will never come true!

This morning Malcolm came in with “One Fish. Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish”

Mal: Boo ish!
E: Yeah Malky! Blue fish!
Mal: Yes!
E: Can I read it to you?
Mal: No!
E: I want to read it!
Mal: No E! (That’s what he calls Ellie)
E: I want to read!
Mal: Um eed! (Malcolm read)
E: Ellie read!
Mal: *screams* No E eed! Um eed! (No Ellie read, Malcolm read)
E: You can’t even read!
Mal: E alt! (Ellie’s fault)
E: It’s all your fault!
Mal: E alt! Um eed! (Ellie’s fault, Malcolm read)
Me: Ellie, if you want to practice reading then we should choose an easier book. Now give Malky his book back and stop yelling at each other.
Mal: E if ook back! (Ellie give book back)
E: Malky, say please.
Mal: Peeeeeesh!
E: Ok, here you go Malky.
Mal: Yay! *growly whispers* E alt. (Ellie’s fault)

While watching Frozen:
E: Mom, why did they die on the boat?
Me: The boat sunk and they didn’t have anywhere to go.
E: They should have brought their phones.
Me: Phones? Why?
E: Then they could check the temperature and the traffic.
Me: Um…
E: They probably just left it at home.

E: That mean, naughty Malky!
Me: What did he do?
E: He snatched my crown! He just snatched it and I told him to give it back and he didn’t!
Me: I am sorry that he did that. I will talk to him. But you should remember that he is just 2.
E: No! He is 15!
Me: I don’t think most 15 year old boys like crowns.
E: Don’t be silly! Everyone loves crowns!

E: Mom, do you know why my hair is kind of brown?
Me: Why?
E: Because my prince cut it, so now it is short and brown with NO powers. But that is a secret.

E: Mom! Where do houses come from?
Me: People build them.
E: But where do they get the wood and nails and glass?! I don’t even know how those are made! How do you make nails?!
Me: Nails are made out of metal. And wood comes from trees.
E: *getting upset* But where do trees come from?! And how do you make glass?! And how do you makes couches and yarn and clothes and pacifiers?!
Me: Calm down, it’s ok. People learn how to make things, usually with machines. It’s ok.
E: But I don’t know how! It doesn’t even make sense!!!!!

E: Mom, are you mad?
Me: No.
E: Why do you have your grumpy face on?
Me: That’s my thinking face. I’m not grumpy.
E: Oh. You must think A LOT.

I’m as hungry as 200 monkeys who didn’t get any breakfast or any lunch for 350 days! Well… maybe not that much. But I’m pretty hungry. I’m STARVING. But Malcolm is probably more starving than me. But I’m pretty hungry.

W: *Cleaning up another mess* Ellie, why are you so destructive?
E: I’m not destructive, I’m CUTE!

E: No! I’m not tired! Come and talk to me for a minute!
Me: No Ellie, your dad already talked to you and showed you pictures of leeches. You’re fine. (True story)
*literally a minute later*
Me: Ellie, why are you out of your bed?
E: Listen, I know you and Daddy just love to go to sleep, but I am just not that loveable!

E: Momma, do you remember when I turned 1?
Me: Yup.
E: I remember that too!
Me: Oh yeah? That was a long time ago.
E: Yeah! I even remember before I was born!
Me: That’s pretty silly.
E: No, it’s real! I even remember when I choosed you as my Mommy. It wasn’t Jesus, it was me.

E: *seeing an empty chocolate box* Mom, what’s that?
Me: It’s an empty box.
E: What was in it?
Me: Chocolate.
E: Can I have some?!
Me: No, it’s all gone. Mommy ate them all.
E: Why did you eat them all?
Me: Because I’m a pig.
E: *very confused* You are not a pig. You are a person.
Me: Sometimes a pig is an animal and sometimes it means a person who eats a lot. Mommy eats a lot.
E: Oh. You are a pig for those chocolates?
Me: Yes, I am a pig for those chocolates.
E: *whispers* I wish I could be a pig for those chocolates…

E: Malky, do you love me?
M: Yeah!
E: Are you my best friend?
M: Yeah!
E: Will you marry me?
M: No!!!!!!!!!
E: But we NEED to get married! You are a prince and I am a princess!

Me: Ellie, I really need you to hurry up.
E: Well, I was born in your tummy, so you really should have taught me that.

E: I am so good at this game!
Me: Hey! You totally just cheated!
E: Nope. This is my game, remember? This is just how I play. Jesus made me this way.

Me: Ellie, you are the silliest 4 year old girl I’ve ever met, did you know that?
E: I was just born like this, Mom.

Ellie hurts Malcolm.
Malcolm cries.
Ellie gets in trouble.
Ellie cries and screams.
Ellie goes in time-out.
Malcolm cries and follows Ellie.
Malcolm sits next to Ellie.
Ellie pushes Malcolm away and closes the door.
Malcolm sits outside the door and cries because he wants to be with Ellie.
Ellie comes out and they giggle.
Repeat.

Will: Next year Daddy will be 31.
E: Wow, that’s pretty close!
W: Close to what?
E: Close to 100.

E: What are we doing tomorrow?
Me: Well, I think we will go to the yarn store.
E: Yay! What else?
Me: We also need to clean the bathrooms.
E: Ooh, can I help scrub the toilets?!
Me: I guess so.
E: Hooray! That will be a good day!

E: Mom, what do you want to do?
Me: Nothing.
E: No! What do you WANT to do?
Me: I want to put this broom away.
E: No! Not that! What do YOU WANT to DO?!
Me: I want to sit down.
E: NO!!! WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WITH ME?
Me: I kind of want to send you upstairs because you are yelling.
E: No. Mom. Really. What do you want to do?
Me: What do I want? I want to put you to bed and put on some pajamas and get some hot chocolate and ice cream and watch a movie with your daddy. That would be happy.
E: What? No! What do you want to do that will make ME happy?

Started painting Ellie’s new room pink. She totally ran right in front of me while I was holding a wet paintbrush.
Me: Hey! *checks her for paint* You can’t just run around crazy in here! I almost got paint in your hair!
E: Then my hair would be painted?
Me: Yes! You don’t want pink hair do you? *suddenly realize my mistake*
E: Yes! I would love to have pink hair! That would be wonderful!

Had the windows open while I was painting.
E: Mom, are those screams outside from kids playing?
Me: Yup.
E: Why do they scream so much?
Me: I don’t know. Mommy doesn’t like to scream. I’m not a very loud person.
E: What?
Me: *slightly louder* Mommy is not very loud.
E: What?
Me: *even louder* Mommy is not a loud person.
E: What?
Me: *louder* I. AM. NOT. A. LOUD. PERSON.
E: What?
Me: *turns around* I AM…
E: *giggling* Mom, why are you yelling?
Me: *facepalm*

Ellie changed her clothes and ran in to show me.
“Look Mom! I am wearing jeans and not even a dress or a tutu! Do I look just like a normal person?”

This morning Ellie was distracted while eating her breakfast. She stared into space for a long time and then looked at me and said, “Mom, do you sometimes get distracted by pizza and pie? I do.”

I’ve thought about it and the answer is yes, I do.

E: Mom, what is homework?
Me: Why don’t we talk about that when you come out?
E: Well, I’m just coloring and I want to do some homework. But I don’t know what homework IS!
Me: Um, how about you draw a nice picture and put your name on it.

Mom, if I die will you tie me to roof of the car like a Christmas tree?

E: Mom, how come we never follow my rules?
Me: Because you are not the boss.
E: But I want to be the boss! I wish to be the boss, but my wishes never come true!
Me: That’s because you are 4.
E: But “a dream is a wish your heart makes”! Will my dreams ever come true?
Me: Your dreams can come true, but you still have to finish your banana.

Me: Ellie, please eat your vitamin.
E: I can’t.
Me: Oh really? Why not?
E: Well, before you eat a vitamin, you have to just sit and think for a minute.
Me: Think about what?
E: Just… whatever you want. But it’s a rule. You have to think before you eat a vitamin.
Me: Well, think quickly.
E: Maybe you need to sit and think too.

*hearing the kids play in a different room*
Mal: Da-da-da-daddy!
E: Daddy will come home at dinner time! He’s just at work!
Mal: Da-da-daddy!
E: MALCOLM! Daddy will be home soon!
Mal: Da-da-da–
E: TAKE A CHILL-PILL!!!

E: *brings me a broken puzzle piece*
Me: Well, that’s what happens when you don’t take care of your toys.
E: *rolls her eyes* Mom, I’m just a kid!

We should just make a new rule: if you get tired of eating your food, you can just sit in your comfy chair as long as you want!”

Me: Ellie, I really need you to finish your food.
E: But I just can’t! I am just so tired of CHEWING!

Me: Ellie, I really need you to sit down and eat your vitamin.
E: But… Ellie want a cracker!

Me: I’m asking you for the last time to sit down and eat your food.
E: I just can’t. My mouth can’t chew and my eyes are too tired and my ears don’t want me to and my nose… I think Malcolm is stinky.

Me: Malcolm, do you want some Oh’s?
M: Kah! (Yuck)
Me: Do you want some Fruit Loops?
M: Kah!
Me: Do you want a yogurt?
M: Kah!
Me: What do you want?
M: *points*
E: Malky wants a cracker!

E: What’s a ball?
Me: It’s kind of like a big dance party.
E: Does it have cake and ice cream? Parties should have that.

*puts on her goggles* Look Mom! I got my good-lookin’ eyes on!

*sigh* Mom, I don’t want a little brother anymore. He just always wants to give me kisses and he won’t share the ipad.”

Me: Hey, we can’t play until you help me clean up these toys.
E: Gah! I can’t do it! It’s too hard!
Me: You just have to clean up those toys right there. There’s like 5 of them.
E: This is the worst day ever! *flops onto the floor*

E: Hey, guess what! I have a plan!
Me: What’s your plan?
E: When I’m all grown up and a Momma then there will be 3 bosses! You, Daddy, and me!

E: Mom, what the Lego Movie?
Me: That’s the movie we watched at Peter’s house the other day.
E: But that was just boring! There weren’t even any princesses!
Me: It was funny! Maybe it will be better when you are a little bigger.
E: Yeah. Maybe when I am 4 or 5. Or 23.

Mal: Dah-eeee-ya! Dah-eeeeee-ya!
Me: Maybe be is trying to say Daddy!
E: Maybe he is trying to say diarrhea! *laughs so hard she chokes on her own spit*

E: Mom, why is Malcolm always so grumpy?
Me: Well, he has lots of new teeth that are hurting his mouth.
Mal: *points to his mouth and whines*
Me: I’m sorry baby. Do you need medicine?
Mal: *runs to the medicine cabinet*
E: He just really needs some drugs. He is getting some drugs.

*driving past a crowded parking lot*
E: Wow, there are like a thousand cars in there!
Me: That’s a lot of cars.
E: No, there’s even more than that!
Me: Even more than a thousand?
E: There might even be… *whispers* twenty-one!

“Dad, I will never evereverevereverevereverevereverevereverever *deep inhale* evereverevereverEVER stop loving you!”

E: Mom, what is Malcolm doing? What is in his ears?
Me: Goldfish. He has goldfish in his ears. Of course. What else would we do with goldfish?
E: I think he’s just gone crazy.

Me: Why are you being so grumpy this morning? Where is Sweet Ellie?
E: Well… it’s just hard…
Me: What?
E: *so frustrated* Well, I JUST WANT TO FLY BUT I CAN’T!
Me: I’m sorry Sweetheart. People just don’t fly.
E: IT’S ALL JUST BECAUSE OF GRAVITY! I AM JUST SO MAD AT GRAVITY! GAH! *flops to the floor*

So to keep Ellie in her seat while she eats lunch, she’s gets some sort of treat when she’s done. But every time she gets out of her seat, I get to take a bite of her treat. It’s been working fairly well. Today I forgot to get her treat before she started eating, and she got out of her seat 4 times. So she went to go pick a treat when she finished eating and all we have is some leftover Halloween candy…
Me: Ok, pick something *eyeing tiny candy bars and hershey kisses because 4 bites means I get most of it*
E: Hmmmm…
Me: And remember, I get 4 bites.
E: Just 4 little bites?
Me: 4 Mommy bites.
E: No Mom. Because I want a lollipop, so you only get 4 licks!
Me: Dang! Smarty-pants! *gives her a lollipop, kinda disappointed because it’s cotton candy, ew*
E: Aren’t you going to take some licks?
Me: No, it’s gross. I don’t like that kind.
E: Now how do you know? Did you even try it?

Me: *explaining how people move* Some people put their stuff in a big truck and it comes to their new house. Some people put their stuff in their car and drive back and forth lots and lots of times, if their new house isn’t too far away.
E: They must have lots of clocks! Because they drive lots of TIMES! *giggles*

In the bathtub:
E: Ah!!
Me: What?!
E: Something poked me! Oh. I just sat on King Triton. That wasn’t fun.

After getting up 5 or 6 times last night (in 45 minute intervals) and having the audacity to wake up at her usual time:
“Mom, I have a sad story for you. You have to play with me, Ariel, today because Ellie is just too tired and needs to sleep more. So here is Ariel! *twirls* She just has so much energy!”

While eating lunch:
“Hey, it’s me, Hercules! I’m so fast and strong! I’m stronger than you! Actually, I’m Hercules’s sister. My name is Elsa and I have magical frozed powers that help me run fast! And I’m strong like Hercules! But I’m more beautiful than him. And I have a better dress.”

E: did you forget something with my oatmeal?
Me: nope!
E: but did you put extra love in it?
Me: yup!
E: I didn’t see it.
Me: *sprinkles love in her food*
E: *sprinkles love in Malcolm’s food* 
Me: ok, now eat your oatmeal.
E: love sprinkles are silly. They are not real.
Me: sure they are!
E: no, they are not. You can’t sprinkle love. How does it get on your fingers?
Me: you smooch it on.
E: no! There are no love sprinkles! I can’t even see them.
Me: there are love sprinkles! And you can’t see them because you can’t see love.
E: no, stop it! It’s just pretend! There are no love sprinkles!
Me: fine, you can think that. Now eat your food.
E: no! You sprinkled too much love in it and now it tastes funny!
Me: you didn’t even taste it!
E: you just sprinkled too much love! And now it’s gross!
Me: you can’t have too much love.
E: you can! And I don’t even love you!
Me: *looks at her*
E: well… I said that I didn’t love you, but I just do love you. But don’t sprinkle any more. This oatmeal is delicious.

E: Ok, you be Ellie and I will be the Momma.
Me: Ok. I WANT TO PLAY THE IPAD!
E: No.
Me: I WANT TO GO TO THE WATERPARK!
E: No.
Me: I WANT A CUPCAKE!
E: No.
Me: I WANT TO GO TO 7-11!
E: No.
Me: IT’S NOT FAAAAAAAIIRRRR!! *feeling smug because maybe she is understanding how annoying that is*
E: Too bad.
Me: Fine, can I just have a snack? *decided to go easy on her*
E: No.
Me: What? Can I just have a little snack?
E: No.
Me: Can I play a game?
E: No.
Me: Can I do a puzzle?
E: No.
Me: Can I take a nap?
E: No.
Me: Well, is there anything I can do? *feeling kind of frustrated*
E: It’s just not happening. Too bad, so sad.

E: Malcolm, stop!
Me: What’s he doing?
E: He’s messing around!
Me: He is?
E: Yeah! He’s just messing messing messing, making so many messes!

Me: When did you get so strong?
E: Oh, a couple weeks ago.

Me: Does that mean Malcolm is Phil, the little goat guy?
E: No, he’s just a pest.
Me: A pest?
E: Yeah, like with wings?
Me: Oh! A pegasus.
E: Yeah, a pest… pest-sus. That’s Malcolm.

Tonight Ellie called me a codfish because I wouldn’t let her wear goggles to bed.

Trying to sew some fun things for Ellie to wear, so I had her try one on while I was pinning it.
E: Wow! Did you make this for me?
Me: Yup, I did.
E: Look Malcolm! *twirls* it looks just AWFUL!

My immediate (but internal) response:
“That’s because it’s on you dear.”

E: Mom, I’m hungry!
Me: Hi Hungry, I’m Mom!
E: No, I’m not named Hungry, I AM hungry!
Me: That’s what I said. You’re Hungry. Hi Hungry!
E: No! I’m REAL HUNGRY!
Me Oh, hi Real Hungry!
E: NO! I AM JUST REAL HUNGRY!
Me: Hi Just Real Hungry! I’m Mom!
E: NOOOO! I’M HUNGRY, NOT HUNGRY!
Me: That’s what I said. Hi Hungry!
E: DON’T TEASE ME! I’M JUST HUNGRY! STOP LAUGHING, I’M MAD AT YOU!

*listening to Let It Go*
“Mom, can’t keep what in? Let what go? Her poop?”

Ellie’s Primary teacher: Does Ellie take dancing lessons? Because she is a beautiful dancer and she is always dancing.
Me: No, but maybe someday.
*later*
Me: Ellie, do you dance a lot in class? Your teacher says you do.
E: Yes! I just LOVE to dance! And they are always saying “please sit down”.

“Mom, how old are you? Are you 45 or bigger?”

“Oh, I just love Mary Bobbins! It is my favorite movie ever! I love it even more than you!”

“Mom, I’m not Ellie, I’m Ariel. And I just love August because that is my birthday! And Ellie’s birthday too! And I have no legs! But in August I will be 4 and Ellie will be 4 and Malcolm will turn into a REAL prince and we will get married because he is handsome and I am so beautiful and I have long beautiful hair.”

E: How come in Belle the girls say “oh he’s so cute!” about the bad guy?
Me: Because they think that Gaston is cute.
E: Boys are not cute!
Me: Some boys are cute. Malcolm is cute.
E: But he’s a baby! Not a boy! Well, he’s just a baby boy!
Me: Daddy’s cute.
E: No! He’s hairy and old and handsome! Boys are just not cute!

E: Hey, Mom. Guess what.
Me: What?
E: I just love you so much!
Me: Thank you sweetheart! I love you too!
E: Do you like smooches?
Me: I love smooches!
E: Then I will smooch you all day!
Me: That would be wonderful!
E: I will smooch you all morning and Malcolm will too!
Me: That would be so nice!
E: And at bedtime I will give you SO many smooches!
Me: Hooray!
E: And when we get home, and you are not driving, and you give me a lollipop then I will hug you and smooch you and say, “I love you my silly Momma”.
Me: Aw, that’s so… wait. What lollipop?

Me: Malcolm, what does a lizard say?
M: *sticks out tongue*
E: No Mom! That’s not a lizard! It’s a parasaurolophus!
Me: No, it’s a chameleon. That’s a kind of lizard.
E: No, it’s a tricerotops!
M: *sticks out tongue*
Me: It’s a lizard.
E: No, it’s a pteranodon!

Me: Ellie, please stop. Malcolm doesn’t like that.
E: *ignores me*
Me: hey, you need to stop now. You are making him cry and that means he doesn’t like it.
E: Well, I LIKE IT! SO I’M GOING TO DO IT! OK? OK MOM? I JUST WILL!
Me: *pulls her away from Malcolm* You need to stop yelling and go in time out.
E: I WILL NEVER STOP YELLING AND NEVER GO IN TIME OUT! NEVER! I JUST WANT TO DO THAT TO MALCOLM! LEAVE ME ALONE!
Me: Ok, now it’s a long time out. You can come out after you find Sweet Ellie.
E: SWEET ELLIE IS JUST ALL GONE, OK? SHE WENT TO THE DOCTOR! AND THEY TOOK SOME OF HER BLOOD AT THE HOSPITAL AND IT HAD BAD GERMS AND SHE NEEDED TO TAKE MEDICINE! SO I WILL NOT GO FIND HER! NEVER NEVER NEVER!

Me: *reading Ellie a story*
E: *playing with a toenail that has started to break off*
Me: *looks at toenail*
E: *hides feet under blanket*
Me: *goes back to reading*
E: *slowly pulls blanket up over her head*
Me: *keeps reading*
E: *comes out from under blanket and looks at toenail*
Me: *notices that toe is wet and toenail is no longer broken* did you really just hide under your blanket so you could bite your toenail?
E: no.
Me: Are you telling the truth?
E: …no…
Me: Ew! Do you have any idea how yucky that is?
E: I only do it at night.
Me: *speechless* …ew.

E: Mom, I’m a baby! Goo goo ga ga!
Me: oh yeah?
E: That’s Malcolm #1 and I’m Malcolm #2. Goo goo ga ga.
Me: Oh. Well, babies don’t get to go to Costco.
E: But you take Malcolm to Costco all the time!

Ellie is in quiet time and I went up to close her door because she was singing too loudly. She was singing songs from Frozen. As I was closing her door she yelled, “No Mom! Love is an OPEN door!”

“Mom, I have a new mermaid song! It’s not an Ariel one, I just thinked it up new. She has a green tail, but it’s not sparkly, it’s rainbow-y and it has redorangeyellowbluegreenindigoandviolettoo! And her eyes are beautiful and brown. And she sing ‘look at this stuff’ *sings* look at this stuff. Isn’t it neat? I have a kleenex… and a potty! *giggles* I like that song. And she has a crab named… Not-Sabastian.”

Now I know what she thinks about when she’s on the toilet.

Me: Do you want mac & cheese or a hot dog for lunch?
E: I don’t know.
Me: Well, Malcolm is having a hotdog.
E: I want an apple.
Me: ok, what do you want with your apple?
E: A hotdog.
Me: Ok. Do you want a bun?
E: *runs away* nope!
Me: Even on the side?
E: nope!
Me: ok. Come back and eat your hotdog.
E: I don’t want a hotdog!
Me: That’s what you said you wanted, so that’s what I made.
E: *runs back in* where’s my bun?
Me: You said you didn’t want one.
E: But! I! Want! One!!

“Mom, I need to practice my chewing. Because sometimes I just miss that.”

E: How do you make hotdogs? Do you take a dog and cook it?
Me: no.
E: Oh. Do you take a dog and put it on the grill for a longlonglonglong time until all the hair falls off?
Me: Ew. No.
E: Do you take a dog and pull off all the hair and then roll it up and put it in the microwave?
Me: No. They aren’t real dogs. These ones are made from cow meat.
E: *sighs* I just love cow meat!

Me: Finish your hotdog.
E: No! The new rule is that if you eat some of your food then you don’t have to eat all of it and you can go to the doctor.

Me: It’s not time to go to the doctor. And you have to eat your food.
E: Did you hear me? If I don’t want to eat more then I don’t have to! That’s what I said and that’s what I’m going to do! Alright? You just don’t need to make me! Never!
Me: You only took one bite?
E: No, I took 3.
Me: Well, you need to eat more.
E: But I don’t like it!
Me: You said it was delicious.
E: Well, it is delicious, but I don’t want to eat it! And I didn’t even want a hotdog! Alright? You won’t make me eat it and that’s ok! I’m putting on my shoes and socks to go to the doctor!
Me: If you don’t eat your food, we won’t go to the doctor.

“I’m not Ellie, I’m Ariel!”
“That was a Flounder bite! Take a big Ariel bite.”
“I can’t walk! I don’t have legs!”
“What? You can’t talk because Ursula took your voice? Good because it’s not time to talk, it’s time to eat.”
“But… I’m a mermaid!”
“Sweet Ariel mermaid, PLEASE eat your food.”
“Good mermaid!”

Me: Ellie…
E: I’m not Ellie! I’m Tinkerbell!
Me: oh yeah? Then who is Malcolm?
E: He’s a nasty snot monster.
Me: yeah… he kind of is…

E: Want to hear my long dream?
Me: ok.
E: There was a bear sleeping in the study but there was no bed and daddy tried to go see him and the bear wanted everyone to go away but the bear just came to play with me because the sun was awake but my light was still on and the bear got in trouble and then he remembered. And then we played. And daddy gave us candy with granola bar in it. And there were princesses.
Me: whoa.
E: yeah.

Me: Ellie, I need you to go potty before we leave.
E: No.
Me: Excuse me?
E: I don’t need to go potty.
Me: Can you just try?
E: No! I. DON’T. WANT. TO!
Me: Then I guess we can’t go to Costco.
E: Then I guess we aren’t friends anymore!

Me: Ellie, did you know I like your daddy? He’s one of my favorite people.
E: Nope. He’s fuzzy and old and nasty.

“Mom, do I look fab-a-lus?”

E: Mom, I am a princess and you are a prince.
Me: ok!
E: will you marry me?
Me: yes, beautiful princess.

E: Mom, what is awesome?
Me: awesome is something really good.
E: oh. What is fantastic?
Me: that’s another way to say really good.
E: which one is better?
Me: um… awesome.
E: what about amazing?
Me: that’s really good too.
E: what about fab-a-lus?
Me: yes, they all mean the same thing.
E: oh. Mom, you are… just… can I have your strawberry?

This one’s from a while back, but I just remembered it.
E: *looking at a picture on the wall* Mom, is that Jesus?
Me: yup.
E: is that children?
Me: yes. See Jesus hugging the little girl? She’s like you.
E: oh, Jesus just LOVES little children. I know that.

Ellie: Mom, do you know who my favorite baby is?
Me: Who is it?
E: It’s Tayson. I just love that baby. He’s just so cute and awesome.
Me: What about Malcolm?
E: Oh. He’s a baby. He could just get blown away.
Me: That would make me sad! I love Malcolm!
E: I love him too. But he could just get blown away and then we could get a new baby. Maybe we could borrow Tayson.

Ellie: Can I have more yogurt?
Me: No, you’ve had lots of dairy. How about something else?
E: Mom, what’s dairy?
Me: Dairy is things made out of milk.
E: No. What’s DAIRY?
Me: Things made out of milk are called dairy. Like cheese and yogurt.
E: NO! WHAT. IS. DAIRY?!
Me: I told you, dairy is made of –
E: NO! DAIRY IS A KIND OF POOP!
Me: No. That’s diarrhea. That’s very different.
E: Oh. I would like an orange.

E: Mom, do you want to play a game?
Me: I would love to play Candyland with you!
E: no, I’m playing with Sheepy. You can go find your own game.

E: is it good to grow?
Me: yes! You get bigger and stronger and you learn things.
E: when I am big, will I get married?
Me: I hope so.
E: well, maybe Malcolm will get big and turn into a prince. Then I can marry him!

E: Mom! Look! I just learned Malcolm something!
Me: you taught Malcolm something?
E: yeah! Watch! *makes a raspberry noise and spits everywhere*
Malcolm: *makes a raspberry noise and spits everywhere*
They both laugh hysterically.
Me: yippee.

Ellie: Can I have more yogurt?
Me: No, you’ve had lots of dairy. How about something else?
E: Mom, what’s dairy?
Me: Dairy is things made out of milk.
E: No. What’s DAIRY?
Me: Things made out of milk are called dairy. Like cheese and yogurt.
E: NO! WHAT. IS. DAIRY?!
Me: I told you, dairy is made of –
E: NO! DAIRY IS A KIND OF POOP!
Me: No. That’s diarrhea. That’s very different.
E: Oh. I would like an orange.

Ellie: I just love fairies! Sometimes I am a fairy, but I can’t fly because I don’t have wings.
Me: I know you love fairies. I’m sorry you don’t have any wings though.
E: yeah… are fairies real or pretend?
Me: fairies are just pretend. It would be fun if they were real.
E: are all fairies pretend?
Me: yup.
E: even when I’m 6?
Me: uh… yeah…
E: but that’s when my teeth fall out. What about the tooth fairy?
Me: uh…
E: is the tooth fairy real?
Me: well… oh, look! A blue jay!

I was not prepared for that.

“Oh good, I have so much slobber! Now I can DEFINITELY be able to whistle!”

“Mom, don’t look at me. Don’t look! I’m doing something IMPORTANT and I don’t want to get in trouble.”

E: Do I have time to play?
Me: Nope. You weren’t a good sleeper so you get a long Quiet Time.
E: BUT I DON’T WANT TO!
Me: Hmmmmm… maybe yelling louder will make me change my mind.
E: I DON’T WANT TO GO TO QUIET TIME!!!!
Me: Nope, you still have to go. Yelling doesn’t work. Maybe you can wave your arms and stomp your feet while you are yelling?
E: *waving and stomping* I. DON’T. WANT. TO. GO! IT’S. NOT. FAAAIR!!!!
Me: Still didn’t work. Maybe you should hop on one foot and clap your hands and yell.
E: *tries to hop and clap* I… DON’T… *falls down and starts laughing*
Me: Well, those didn’t work. Maybe…
E: Fine, I’ll just go. *stomps off*

Me: Ellie, I have a secret for you.
E: What is it?
Me: *whispers* I love you!
E: I have a secret for you!
Me: Tell me!
E: *whispers* where is my candy?

Me: What do you want for lunch?
E: Mac and cheese!
Me: Ok, what do you want with that?
E: Strange cheese! (string cheese)
Me: Are you sure? That’s a lot of cheese.
E: Oh. Maybe I will just have some yogurt.
Me: Well, that’s still a lot of dairy. What about an apple or an orange?
E: FRUUUUUUUUUITT! SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACKS! I love fruit snacks thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis much! *spreads arms wide*
Me: Whoa.
E: I love fruit snacks to the moon.

Me: Ellie, it’s time to clean up.
E: Who is coming over?

Ellie: What day is it today?
Me: Monday.
E: Oh, does Daddy not work on Mondays?
Me: Well, today is a holiday, so Daddy gets to stay home.
E: What holiday?
Me: It’s President’s Day. Say “Happy President’s Day!”
E: PRESENTS DAY?!
Me: No! Pre-si-dent’s Day.
E: HAPPY PRESENTS DAY! WHOO-HOO!
Me: No. PRE…SI…DENT’S… DAY.
E: Present-dents day!

E: Mom, I am an Indian!
Me: Well, you are part Indian. You are 1/64th Cherokee!
E: No Mom, I’m just 3.

Me: Ellie, did you just throw food on the floor?
E: No Mom. I really didn’t.

E: Oh no! Mom! My statues are ruined! They are so ruined. *starts to cry*
Me: It’s ok, we’ll fix them.
E: *still crying*
Me: No, it’s really alright. Look. All better!
E: *sniffs* what does ruined mean?

E: I’m gonna squish my Tweety Bird puzzle! *starts jumping on it*
Me: You probably shouldn’t do that.
E: *jumps all over it*
Me: Hey, you’re going to break it.
E: Mom! Someone broke my puzzle!
Me: I think it was you.
E: NO! It was my best-friend-Peter!
Me: Peter’s not even here. He’s in Hawaii.
E: Well… he’s just tricky. Like a ninja.

Ellie: Are monsters real?
Me: No. You know monsters aren’t real.
E: Peter said they were real.
Me: They aren’t. Don’t worry about it.
E: Mom?
Me: Yes?
E: Are sharks and crocodiles real?
Me: Yup.
E: Are you kidding?
Me: Nope. They’re real.
E: Do they eat people?
Me: Sometimes. Not usually. No. They are far away.

*looking out the window while we are driving through the suburbs* Mom, how come these people don’t all have ships?

E: *crying on the steps*
Me: What’s wrong?
E: Peter won’t watch me dance!
Me: Oh, I will come watch you dance!
E: No! I want Peter to watch! He will love my twirling!

“Do suns and moons grow?”
“Are wheels car feet?”
“Mom, promise me you will not eat Lucky Charms for breakfast anymore!”
“What happens if you eat sososososososooooo much food? And there are no potties?”
“Mom, can we have a real dog in our house that is ours? I will not scare him and make him pee on the carpet.”

Me: Why are you such a moop-face?
E: I’m not a face!
Me: Really?
E: No. I’m not a face. I HAVE a face.
Me: Oh. I guess that’s true.
E: I have a face on my face!

E: Mom, does Princess Jasmine have a shirt on?
Me: Um… kind of…
E: Because I think it is too small. See, her belly is all hanging out.

E: Mom! I had a silly dream last night!
Me: Oh yeah? Tell me about it.
E: Well, there were lots and lots of princesses and they were dancing with me!
Me: That sounds like fun.
E: There was Cinder-brella, and Sleeping Beauty, and Snow White, and Tianna, and… *stares off into space*
Me:… yeah?
E: *snaps out of it* yeah! And they were just dancing and dancing! But not with me. Is that so silly?
Me: That sounds so silly!
E: *stares off into space again*
William: Wow. She’s reminiscing. That looks like a legit dream.

Mom, did you know that I just love love looooove mermaids? They are my FAVORITE kind of fish!

E: Hello friend! My wings are broken and I can’t fly. See? *jumps and falls dramatically to the floor*
Me: Oh, that’s so sad.
E: You are my birdy-sister. And this is my birdy-brother Malcolm. But his name is Tweety. TWEETY! THAT IS MY PUZZLE! MOMMA, STOP THAT TWEETY!

E: Mom, I have never seen an indigo M&M.
Me: Oh. Me neither.
E: Or an aquamarine one.
Me: Nope.
E: Or a magenta one.
Me: No… where did you learn all these colors?
E: Or a crimson one. Or a gold one.
Me: That’s a lot of colors.
E: And I have never even seen a… triangle one!

Me: How about you eat your food?
E: Nope.
Me: How about I spank your face?
E: Nope.
Me: How about I throw you out the window?
E: How about I throw YOUR FACE out the window?!
Me: How about I throw YOUR FACE’S FACE out the window?
E: How about I throw YOUR MOM’S FACE out the window!
Me: Hey! That’s Grandma!
E: *laughs so hard she actually falls off her chair*

E: Do you know why it stinks in here?
Me: Why?
E: Because I’m coloring with crayons! Also, I tooted.

E: Mom, do you know why I looooove purple so much?
Me: Why?
E: Because it’s just so so so so so so beautiful! Just like you mom!

William: Get your fingers out of your mouth.
E: Why?
W: You know why.
E: Nope. But I know why you’re a GOOFBALL!

Me: Ellie, I love you. Even when you’re nasty.
E: And I love you! Even when you are always mad at me.

E: I want to go on a date!
Me: I love you!
E: No! I want to go on a date!
Me: But I love you!
E: Well, you can just love me on a date!

 

“Daddy, turn off your book and play with me!”

E: *whispers because I’m asleep* Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom.
Me: What?!
E: Mom, I want an Ariel costume. And Malcolm can be Flounder.
Me: Oh yeah? And who will be Ursula?
E: Daddy!

“I wish I was a monkey. Then I could have a tail!”

“Malcolm do you like princesses? I like them. I like them a lot. Especially Ariel. And Snow White. And Cinder-brella. And Princess Tiana. And Princess Jasmine. And Aladdin. But he’s prince. But not a beast. That’s a different show. Right, Malcolm?”

*in a baby-voice* “Are you all done dude? Did you eat all your food? What a good listener! What a cute child! Good night my cutie sweetie child.”

“Mom, I’m thankful for Poor Unfortunate Souls.” — Ellie

Imagine:
Target on a fairly busy afternoon. You see a woman pushing a cart down a fairly crowded aisle. In the seat of that cart, a baby plays with a box of infant Advil. Kneeling in the basket, amid various cleaning supplies and clearance items, is a little girl. She faces outward, a bright pink hood with cat ears pulled up over her blond pigtails. Above her head, as far as her little arms can reach, she triumphantly holds a brand new package of Little Mermaid underwear. In a (very) loud, clear voice she sings, “Poor unfortunate souls! GO AHEAD! MAKE YOUR CHOICE! I’m a very busy woman and I haven’t got all day! It won’t cost much! JUST YOUR VOICE! Poor unfortunate sooooouls!!” Over and over and over again. Oblivious to the stares, she continues to sing the entire length of the store. Her poor mother, face bright red, refuses to make eye contact with a single person, but for some reason cannot wipe the stupidly large grin off her face.

Ellie: I looked out the window… and it’s so beautiful!
Me: It is beautiful, isn’t it? I like it when it’s Fall time. Do you like Fall time?
E: Some dinosaurs eat leaves.
Me:…yes, they do. Do you like dinosaurs?
E: We don’t have any dinosaurs.
Me: No. We don’t have any dinosaurs. Why are you thinking about dinosaurs?
E: Well, if we had a dinosaur, he could eat OUR leaves. Then we wouldn’t have too many leaves.
Me: But then how would we jump in them?
E: Well, we could jump in them and then our dinosaur could eat them.
Me: That sounds like a good idea.
E: The dinosaur’s name is Bloop-bloop.

Ellie: (discussing Ariel) And that’s when she got legs! See? She has legs!
JT: How many legs does she have?
Ellie: Two!
JT: How many legs do you have?
Ellie: Two!
JT: How many legs do I have?
Ellie: Two, silly!
JT: What about Malcolm?
Ellie: Two, but he doesn’t know how to use them yet.
JT: What about Albus? (Albus is the dog, who has four legs, just to clarify.) How many legs does he have?
Ellie: *puts hands out to help her picture the dog* One… Two… Three! He has three!
JT: Are you sure?
Ellie: Yes! Malcolm told me. He’s always right.
Malcolm: *spits and giggles*
Ellie: See? He said Albus has three legs. Trust him Aunt J.T. He’s smart.

Ellie: Do you know who this princess is?
JT: Is it…. Princess Ellie?
Ellie: No, I’m not a princess!
JT: But you’re so beautiful! You could be a princess.
Ellie: No, I’m not! *stands up and gestures to the rest of her* Look! I’m wearing clothes, so I CAN’T be a princess.

Ellie: Mom, let’s do school!
Me: But… but I haven’t had my nap yet.
E: No, you don’t need a nap. Let’s do school!
Me: But… I really want to take my nap. How about you watch a show?
E: I don’t want to watch a show! I want to do school! With you!
Me: How about a short show while Mommy takes a little tiny nap?
E: No!!! I DON’T WANT TO WATCH SHOWS! I want to do school!
Me: Too bad, because I’m taking a nap!
E: FINE! I’ll just exercise. *pulls out my yoga mat*

Ellie: Malcolm, it’s Halloween!
Malcolm: *spits and giggles*
E: I know you don’t like this game, but sometimes you have to do things.
M: DADADADADADA!
E: I KNOW it’s Halloween Malcolm! But we can’t Trick or Treat until it’s dark outside! Again!
M: *spits some more*
E: Don’t worry Malcolm, I’m on it.
M: *tips over*
E: Malcolm! That’s not ok! That’s MY toy! MOM! Malcolm’s doing naughty things with my coloring book…. Where is my coloring book?
Me: *sees Malcolm playing with a cup* How can Malcolm be playing with your coloring book if you don’t know where it is?
E: What?
Me: Do you know where your coloring book is?
E: WHAT?
Me: Do you–
E: WHAT?!
Me: Why are you yelling?
E: Can I have a lollipop?
Me: No. You haven’t even had breakfast yet.
E: Can I have other candy?
Me: No.
E: WHY?! WHY NOT MOM?!
Me: Because you haven’t had breakfast yet!
M: DADADADADADA!
E: MALCOLM! I KNOW IT’S HALLOWEEN! STOP TELLING ME!

Ellie: Malcolm, this is a cow! Cows say MOOOOO!
Malcolm: *giggles* DADADADADADADADADADA
E: No Malcolm, Dada is at work. That’s a cow. And here’s a pig!
M: DADADADADADADADA
E: NO! MALCOLM! DAD IS AT WORK!
M: DADADADADADADA
E: Mom, Malcolm’s not listening to me!

*flipping through a princess coloring book*
E: Mom, is this Tiana?
Me: No, that’s Sleeping Beauty.
E: Is this Tiana?
Me: No, that’s Princess Jasmin.
E: Is this Tiana?
Me: No, that’s Jasmin again.
E: Is this… no, that’s Snow White. Is this princess Tiana?
Me: Yup.
E: Oh! Oh my goodness! She is my FAVORITE! We need to buy this movie, RIGHT NOW!

E: Mom, do you have a question for me?
Me: Um, sure… Ellie, why are you so cute?
E: Because I am Ellie! Ellies are just always so cute and beautiful. I am so beautiful.
Me: Yes you are.
E: Mom, I have a question for you… why are YOU so beautiful?
Me: Um… I… I don’t know?

“Mom, can we get Albus dressed?”
“How come Albus won’t play blocks with me?”
“Can I play the iPad with Albus?”
“Come on Albus, this is my room!”
“Albus, do you like my shirt? He likes my shirt, Mom!”
“Mom. Albus smiled at me!!”
“He sniffed me!!!”
“Where does Albus go potty?”
“Albus, it’s time for breakfast. Eat your food from your bowl.”
“Malcolm, this is Albus. Albus, do you like babies?”

“Mommy, if you don’t play cooties with me, I WILL SIT ON YOU! On your lap. Because I like sitting on your lap.”

E: Mom, can I play my cootie game?
Me: I guess so.
E: Oh! Yes indeed!
E: Mom, when I’m bigger, can I go to ballet?
Me: Maybe. Would you like to do that?
E: Yes! I love to dance!… Do mommies leave at ballet?
Me: Sometimes, but just for a little while. Mommies come back.
E: Oh. I will be brave.

E: Momma, Daddy made up a new song! And I like it!
Me: Oh yeah? How does it go?
E: You can dance if you want to, don’t leave no friends behind! That’s a good song.

While at the grocery store this morning, the lady next to us forgot her savings card and was very upset. After letting out a string of curses and swear words, she spent the next 5 minutes mumbling under her breath while rifling through her purse. Ellie turned to me with a confused look and said, “But Mom, I don’t see Jesus. That lady said that Jesus Christ was here and I don’t think he is because I don’t see him. I know what he looks like, he has whiskers kind of like Daddy.” When I explained that Jesus wasn’t there, she said, “Maybe she was just saying a prayer. Amen!”
The angry lady was not amused, but the cashier and I were.

E: I want some candy!
Me: Well, I want a pony. So there.
E: Well, I want your face has a pony!
Me: What?
E: I was just kidding. I don’t want a your face has a pony. But bring out your listening ear and I’ll show you a noise.

Woke up this morning to Ellie yelling: “I AM WEARING PINK! I CAN TWIRL! I AM SO BEAUTIFUL!” I love that she feels beautiful, but I do wish she could do it quietly.

Me: Ellie, you can’t take toys away from Malcolm. That’s not nice.
E: But he is sharing with me.
Me: You taking toys is not sharing.
E: But sharing is good. And he WANTS to share with me.
Malcolm: *crying*
E: See? He is happy crying! Sharing is fun!

*early this morning*
E: Mom, what’s that noise?
Me: I don’t hear a noise.
E: It’s not very loud…
Me: I still don’t hear it.
E: Oh, it must just be my pajamas sparkling.

“Momma, I can’t eat my vitamin because my tummy is a little bit sad. Vitamins make my tummy sad. But I will be big and eat all my cereal. Then I get a donut!”

I woke up this morning to Ellie patting my face saying, “Good morning beautiful girl!”

“Mom, Malcolm tried to snatch my face! He tried to pull my head off and eat it! And my eyeballs too. And my nose. Now I ever can’t smell anymore.”

*singing* “I know the Lord provides a way, He wants me to obey… but I won’t. Because I’m not a good listener today.”

*yesterday morning*
E: *screaming and crying*
Me: *jumps out of bed and runs* What’s wrong Ellie? Are you ok? Did you get hurt?
E: *sobbing uncontrollably*
Me: Come here sweetie. Are you ok? What’s wrong?
E: *trying to breath* I… I… I didn’t… give… Daddy… a… a SMOOCH! *more sobbing*

*this morning*
“Here Malcolm, let me show you my room! This is my lion. This is Bob the Builder. I’m shy at him. This is my baby. And this is my bed. It has germs!!”

“Momma, I’m going to give you 5 smooches. 1 *smooch* 2 *smooch* 3 *smooch* 4 *smooch* 5 *smooch* 6 *smooch* Oh! Oops. 1 *smooch* 2 *smooch* 3 *smooch* 4 *smooch* 5 *smooch* There. That’s all you get.

*during her bath*
Me: Please don’t splash me.
E: Is this splashing?
Me: Yes. Please stop.
E: Is this splashing?
Me: No, that’s fine.
E: Is this splashing?
Me: Yes, stop.
E: Is this splashing?
Me: Yes! PLEASE DON’T!
E: But, Momma?
Me: Yes?
E: Is this splashing?
Me: YES! Seriously, STOP!
E: Momma, Malcolm doesn’t like it when you talk loud.

*during morning snuggles*
Mom, we have a problem. My hand smells like Malcolm. We need to wash it. Ew.

Ellie: I’m so big and strong!
Me: Yes you are!
E: Daddy is too.
Me: Daddy is very big and strong.
E: You are not big and strong like me and Daddy.
Me: Are you talking to me or Malcolm?
E: I’m talking to you Mom. You are not big and strong. But you are tall, so you can help me make cookies.

William: Ellie, did you have any good dreams last night? What did you dream about?
E: Um, I dreamed about… *looks around* Malcolm! Malcolm’s… eyes.
W: Oh yeah, that sounds fun.
Me: Malcolm’s eyes?
E: And… Malcolm’s… teeth. I dreamed he was getting some teeth.

*during breakfast where everyone has finished but Ellie*
E: *yelling from other room*
W: Eat your food!
E: *yelling even louder*
Me: What?
W: Eat your food!
E: *even louder* WHERE. LIONS. GO. PEE-PEE?!
W: In the potty.
E: What potty?
W: Where all the other animals in the savannah go potty.
E: Savannah?
W: In Africa. All lions go potty in Africa.
Me: But what about the ones in zoos?

*during breakfast*
“No Malcolm! I told you to be quiet and play! I did not tell you to RELAX!”

E: But I wanted to go to Chuck E. Cheese for my birthday!
Me: Well, maybe we can go later.
E: Maybe after lunch?
Me: No Sweetie, we can’t go after lunch. We don’t have a car.
E: But Grandma has a car. We can go with Grandma.
Me: No, Grandma is busy today and she needs her car.
E: Well, then we can take a helicopter.
Me: Where are we going to get a helicopter?
E: Grandma has one and she’s not using it.
Me: Grandma doesn’t have a helicopter.
E: Well, she can walk to get one. She can just walk and walk and find one.
Me: I don’t think so.
E: And then she ca fly it! And we can fly so high! But I need my hat first. *starts to run off*
Me: Ellie, you don’t need a hat because Grandma does not have a helicopter and we are not taking it to Chuck E. Cheese.
E: But can I just wear a hat? Because I like hats.

*in the bath tub*
“Hello little Malcolm! Do you like baths? Can I get you a toy? Can I get you a little pile of wood? Ok, little baby.”

E: *sitting on the edge of the bathtub* Momma, quick, save me! A shark is gonna get me!
Me: *putting in my contacts* Oh no, not a shark! Hold on a minute!
E: Hurry! It’s gonna get me!
Me: *washing my face* I’m hurrying, just hold on!
E: WELL, IT SURE DOESN’T LOOK LIKE IT!
Me: Ok, here I come! *pull her off the tub* I saved you!
E: No, you did it wrong. You better try again.

E: Let’s play the bib game!
Me: No thanks. I don’t want to wear a bib.
E: Well, if you can’t do that then you can’t do anything fun.

Malcolm: *rubs his eyes*
E: MALCOLM! YOU CAN’T SCRATCH YOUR FACE! THAT’S OUR DEAL, OK?

*driving in the car*
E: Mom, you’ve got to follow the rules.
Me: What rules?
E: You know, the rules. Remember?
Me: Um, no. Tell me again.
E: Ok, here’s the rule: if you see a police car, you have to yell “POLICE CAR”!
Me: I think I can do that.

E: Mom, this is my lion. His name is Rocky.
Me: His name is Rock?
E: *sigh* No Mom, his name is Rocky. Say “Rah”.
Me: Rah.
E: …no, wait… say… “Rock”.
Me: Rock.
E: Now say “Key”.
Me: Key.
E: You did it! Good job Momma, you said Rocky!

E: Hey, will you push me downstairs (down stairs) in a car?
William: That doesn’t sound very safe.
E: Well, I can bring it upstairs.

Malcolm: goo gah buh goo
E: What did Malcolm just say?
Me: Malcolm said, “Eat your food big sister”.
E: No, I don’t think so. I think he said, “My big sister is all full and wants to play a game”.
Me: No, I’m pretty sure he said, “Big sister better eat her food all gone”.
E: It’s ok Malcolm, I know what you said.

Ellie came up to me holding a package of lightbulbs.
Me: Oh, sweetie, put those back please. If you drop them, they will break.
E: Really? *looks at me suspiciously*
Me: Yes, please be careful.
E: *throws lightbulbs on to the ground* …well Mom… you were right. I learned!

Me: Ellie, you are so big!
Ellie: Yes, I’m almost 3!!!
Me: And Malcolm is getting big; he’s 5 months old!
Ellie: And I’m 5 minutes old!

E: Momma, why Malcolm doesn’t talk for?
Me: Because he’s just a baby. He’ll learn someday though. You can show him how.
E: He talks to me Momma. Just a little bit. See? *in a baby voice* Hi handsome Malcolm-y puppy!
Malcolm: Goo!
E: See, he said, ‘Hi big sister, I love you!’ He loves me Momma.

This morning the dishwasher was going and Malcolm was crying and I was looking for an important paper. Suddenly I heard Ellie yelling super loud (over all the other noises) so I ran upstairs… and found her sitting on the toilet singing the Bob the Builder theme song at the top of her little lungs. And she knew every single word. Then she looked at me and said, “Did you hear that song? Of course I know that song. Bob showed me that song. Of course!”

Me: Why are you taking Malcolm’s toys away?
E: He can’t play with them. This one’s too big for him.
Me: Okay, what about the other ones?
E: They are just… they are just too medium for him Momma.

Me: Are you going to poop in the potty today?
E: Nope.
Me: Why not?
E: Because I did yesterday!
Me: No, you didn’t.
E: Well, because I did tomorrow! Twice!

E: I need chocolate chips with my sandwich. Daddy always gives me chocolate chips.
Me: Well, here’s a couple chocolate chips. Maybe if you can finish your sandwich, you can have a couple more.
E: *falls on the floor* I will never, never, never, never, NEVER get more chocolate chips! Because I don’t want my sandwich! I! DON’T! WANT! IT! Daddy always gives me chocolate chips!
Me: Well, maybe you can just go to bed then.
E: *gets up and glares at me* FINE! *starts stomping off, then turns around* can I take my chocolate chips to bed?
Me: Nope.
E: FINE! Daddy lets me take chocolate chips to bed!

The first thing I heard from Ellie this morning was her singing, “I love chapstick in the morning and in the afternoon. I love chapstick in the evening and underneath the moon…”

Me: Ellie, can I tell you a secret?
Ellie: Ok!
Me: Come closer… *whispers* Ellie… I love you!
E: Can I tell you a secret?
Me: Ok!
E: *leans really close and whispers* Momma… you a GOOFBALL!

Ellie: It’s stinky in here!
Me: That’s because you have poop in your diaper.
Ellie: Oh. Why poop stinky?
Me: …because it is… it wouldn’t be so stinky if you went poop in the potty.
Ellie: If I go poop in the potty, I get a blue lollipop!
Me: That’s right.
Ellie: Big sisters go poop in the potty.
Me: Yes, they do. How come you don’t go poop in the potty?
Ellie: Momma, I not a big sister yet.
Me: …um… well… that’s true.
Ellie: I’m just 2. And I’m a girl. Don’t worry about it Momma.

When I got her up yesterday morning, the first thing she said to me was: “Momma, I want milk. In a cup. No lid. No straw. Just cup, with milk.”

Yesterday: “What I not a lion for?”

Me: Ellie, you make me tired.
Ellie: Yeah, that happens sometimes.

“Why goose poop on beach? Not poop in potty? Big sister poop in potty. Why goose has bums?”

This morning: “Momma, you turn your head? Why you turn your head for? Why head turn like this? Why I have head?”

Ellie: Why we stop?
Me: Because we’re at a red light. Red means stop.
Ellie: Red means stop.
Me: Yup. And look, green means go.
Ellie: Red means stop, green means go. What orange mean?
Me: That’s yellow. It’s means slow down please!
Ellie: Red light, stop Momma!
Me: Ok, we’re stopping.
Ellie: Why that car go?
Me: That car has a green light, see, over there?
Ellie: That car has green light. We stop at red light. Have to take turns. We share!
Me: That’s exactly right.
Ellie: Stop, like stop sign?
Me: Yup. A stop sign is just a little stop. A red light is a big stop.
Ellie: Green light. Go Momma!
She then proceeded to point out every stop light and stop sign and tell me exactly what to do.

During her nap:
Ellie: *over the monitor* Momma! Help me! Ayudame!
Me: *checks on her* What happened?
Ellie: Momma, I took off my pants. And my diaper. (she’s never done that before)
Me: Why in the world did you take off your diaper?
Ellie: Well… I just… My Daddy not home yet. I just miss him.
Me: Ok, but why did you take off your diaper?
Ellie: *big dramatic sigh* I just miss my Daddy so much.
Me: You took off your diaper because you miss your Daddy?
Ellie: Yes. Because I just miss him. I love him.

Yesterday I woke up from my nap to her yelling, which I heard despite the baby monitor being off and a pillow over my head. When I actually listened to what she was yelling, I heard: “Momma! Help! Help! Ayudame! Ayudame!” (Thank you Go Diego Go) She had removed (and thrown) her pants and had a pretty nasty diaper.

This morning my dad came up from running (in the basement) and Ellie said, “Go take a shower, beast!”

After she went down the slide a Chuck E Cheese she informed me that she was “almost 4”. We were at Chuck E Cheese for my nephew’s 4th birthday.

She also tried, semi-successfully, to pour her own milk into her cereal while I was getting her bib from the other room. She then informed me that it was not her fault that I hurt myself cleaning up her mess.

The other day we walked into Costco and Ellie looked at me and said, “Momma? Why you so ooooold?”

This morning we had the following conversation:
Ellie: Momma, this squishy. Momma say no.
Me: Uh, no?
E: Yes Momma, this squishy! Momma say no again.
Me: No.
E: Momma! This squishy! Momma say no.
Me: Yes.
E: NO! MOMMA SAY NO! Momma, this squishy.
Me: No.
E: MOMMA! IT IS SQUISHY! IT IS SQUISHY MOMMA!
Me: Is it squishy?
E: Yes Momma. It is squishy.

She then spent about 45 minutes “practicing” throwing tantrums. I asked if she was ok, she said, “Nothing wrong. Just practicing.”

Me: Ellie, can you clean up your pony game before you play with blocks?
Ellie: No. I can’t.
Me: Please clean up your pony game.
Ellie: No, I’m sick. I can’t clean it up.
Me: You are not sick. Are you all done with your pony game?
Ellie: Yes. I don’t want to play with it. Or clean it up either. (Yes, she really talks like that)
Me: I need you to clean it up or I will spank your bum.
Ellie: How about I play with block for just 2 minutes?
Me: How about I spank your bum? Clean up your pony game. Now.
Ellie: Okay, okay, okay. But I don’t want to.

Ellie: Yogurt, time out! No toys! No friends!
Me: What did the yogurt do?
Ellie: *looks around* …Yogurt hit Momma. Hit you. No yogurt! No hit Momma!
Me: Ok, yogurt can come out when he decides to be nice.
Ellie: Naughty yogurt!

Just finished vacuuming to find my daughter following behind me, carrying a big handful of muffin… and as I got ready to berate her, she looked at me with those big blue eyes and a messy-faced smile and said: “So so happy see you Mommy! I have muffin!” It kind of makes me wish I was 2 again.

Ellie: Momma, what doing?
Me: Packing.
Ellie: What doing?
Me: Packing.
Ellie: Momma?
Me: Yes?
Ellie: What doing?
Me: Packing!
Ellie: Got question for you. (First time she’s ever said that.)
Me: What’s your question?
Ellie: What doing?
Me: PACKING!
Ellie: Oh. What doing?
Me: *deep breath* Ellie, I’m packing. Please stop asking.
Ellie: Momma?
Me: WHAT?!
Ellie: pee pee potty?
Me: You need to go potty?
Ellie: Well… no. What doing?

Me: Ellie, do you want some (cheeri)o’s with milk?
Ellie: Yes sir, yes sir! Three bags full!

This morning I told Ellie she was beautiful. This was her response:
“Ellie not so boo-ful. Ellie just nice.”

Best part of my day so far: Picking blueberries with Ellie before it got ridiculously hot. After being out there a while, she brought me a handful of very small, green blueberries and proudly said, “Ellie so, so big helper!” 

at Ellie’s doctor appointment yesterday:
doctor: so has she been sick lately? Pulling her ears, runny nose, anything like that?
me: well, she has a runny nose, but I think that’s from teething
doctor: ok, what about coughing?
me: nope
Ellie: *cough cough*
doctor: *looks at me expectantly*
me: no, that was fake. It was because you said “coughing”
Ellie: *cough cough*
*awkward silence*
me: see, “coughing”
Ellie: *cough cough*
doctor: coughing
Ellie: *cough cough*
doctor: ok then…

my 2 happiest moments today:
#1: when Ellie saw me up front during church (I’m the organist) and waved at me, then pointed and said “Mama!”
#2: walking in to find Will and Ellie laying on the floor with scraps of denim wrapped around their foreheads, reading How the Grinch Stole Christmas. When I laughed Will said, “What? We’re just ninjas.”

walked in to find my baby standing up in her crib. I’ve never seen her do ANYTHING like that before. She then scrunched up her face, stuck out her two little teeth and laughed at me. Then she fell over.

highlight of my day: getting Ellie up from her nap and having her immediately grab my face and give me a great big wet kiss. I love being a mom!



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